Three Stages for Building Better Work Relationships: Part One

The quality of your working relationships can make or break your career, and the ability to build and maintain positive, mutually beneficial relationships is one of the top skills a successful leader can possess. 

Whether you’re starting fresh with a new colleague or trying to reset an existing relationship, here is a three-stage process that will help. This article appears in three parts, with each stage described in the corresponding part. 

The first stage is to Assess where you are today. However, before you start, check your mindset. You need to go into this process with the sincere belief that constructive outcomes are possible when two people use their creativity and good intentions to work together. If you think of your interactions and negotiations as zero-sum games, you are limiting what you can achieve. 

Assess

Before you jump into engaging with the person, take time to write out the answers to these important questions: 

1. Why do you need a good relationship with this person? On a scale of one to ten, how crucial is this relationship? The amount of time and effort you put into building the relationship should be proportional to how important it is to your success. 
2. Do you have any history or preconceived ideas or opinions about this person? If there are unresolved issues, you need to ask yourself whether you are open to changing your mind about your target person if you learn new information. If you hold some negative opinions, then you will need to think about how you will work around any biases or obstacles going into the relationship. You may need to compartmentalize and focus on the end goal rather than the past. 
3. What connections does the target person have with other people who are important to you?
4. What is currently working well in the relationship? 
5. What is currently not working in the relationship? Is it possible that they see you, your team, or your position as a potential threat in some way?
6. What is the common ground between the two of you or your teams?
7. What do you know about their role and their goals?

• • What are their goals and what do they care most about? What are the metrics for their success?
  • What is it that you do, or your team does, if anything, that impacts their success?
  • Do you control any resources that are important to their success? Is there anything else that gives you leverage with this person?
  • Do they control any resources that are important to your success? What else gives them leverage with you?
  • Are they more of a relationship-driven person or a numbers/process-driven person, or another style?

These questions reveal vital information that will help you move to the next stage. In Part Two, we will consider what strategic steps you can take to begin to build or improve the relationship.