Three Steps for Building Better Work Relationships: Part Two

In Part One of this three-part series, we discussed the important questions you need to ask in order to Assess the situation and gather data. The answers to those questions helped you identify what information and resources were relevant for achieving the desired level of collaboration with your target person. Now let’s see how you can put this knowledge to use. It’s time to Strategize.

Strategize

What you can do for them 

If it is feasible for your team and you to help your target person meet their goals determine how you will do it. Decide if you need to share resources or information with them or facilitate more frequent cooperation. If you can do something helpful for them, do it, but be careful that it doesn’t look like you are trying to buy their favor. Whatever you do should be a logical part of your role and should also not be at the expense of your team. 

If you are already doing any behind-the-scenes actions to help your target person, think about how you will (or will not) let them know you’re helping them. Whatever you decide to do, it should be simple and well-timed, communicated in the most appropriate way. For instance, should it be said just in passing when you both happen to be in the same place at the same time, or do you send an email? Does it warrant an actual meeting? Or do you communicate the information through another person? 

What you should stop doing 

Conversely, be aware of anything that your team or you are doing that is hindering the other person or their team. If so, is it something you can fix? If so, perhaps your teams need to meet to work out compromises or other agreements. 

Sometimes – and this is especially true in larger companies – you’ll find yourself in a situation of having directly conflicting goals or being in a competition for resources. In this case, it’s all the more important to have honest and open communication with your target person, working together to devise solutions for competing demands.  

Adapt your style as necessary 

Often, we need to style-shift in order to better work with our target person. For instance, if they are facts- and numbers-oriented people, they’ll appreciate it if you don’t linger too long on vague ideas or speculation in your interactions. On the other hand, some people – and some cultures – require small talk and personal exchanges before getting down to serious business. If you’re a successful manager of people, you most likely are already good at adapting with your employees, so style-shifting shouldn’t be too difficult for you. 

Ensure your team is on board

Make sure your team is aware of any cooperation or collaboration that you expect from them with regard to your target person and their team. 

Communication

Determine how and when will you communicate with this person and choose to use their preferred method of communication, whether it be emails, texts, or phone calls. If this is someone who prefers to meet in person, make time in your schedule for this. 

Focus on them

Let your target person know that you value the relationship and what they bring to the table. Compliment their team when appropriate, giving them credit for something that they or their team did. Say something positive, when warranted, about them or their work to your stakeholders. Word gets around. If they accomplish something important, call them or drop them an email or text letting them know you noticed and that you want to congratulate them.

Be sure to thank them whenever they do something helpful for you or your team. Be specific about what it is you are grateful for. If you come across information that you think would be useful for them, share it. Be willing to “pay it forward.” Seek out their advice or opinions about issues, though be sure to respect their time. And be sincere about it. Listen closely, ask questions, and occasionally rephrase what they are saying to clarify understanding. 

In all this, it’s important that you don’t come across as someone who is trying to cozy up to them in a disingenuous way. Be judicious about the praise and err on the side of being subtle. Remember, less is more. 

One-on-one meetings with your target person 

At the appropriate times, you will meet with your target in person to share information, discuss collaboration, or just to touch base. Before the meeting, contemplate what the benefits are for them of collaborating with you. Be sure to think about it from their standpoint, in relation to what their goals are and what’s important to them. Here are some points to keep in mind when you’re in the meeting.

• • Ask questions to learn more about what challenges they are facing and listen closely to the answers. 
  • At some point during the meeting, you need to share your and your team’s goals.
  • Share with them how you can help them meet their goals. 
  • Let them know what you need from them or their team in order for you and your team to be successful (collaboration, information, etc.). 
  • Ask if they have any ideas about how to improve your working relationship or those of your teams with each other.
  • Most of all, practice active listening. Restate what they are telling you to confirm that you understood them and to signal to that person that you are hearing them. Also, don’t immediately jump in telling them all about your issues. Make sure they have time to share everything they have to tell you. It’s when they are talking that you are learning the most, not when you are talking. These listening strategies also help to build trust between you and your target person.

Which leads to the final and perhaps most important stage. In Part Three of this three-part article, we will talk about Trust.